a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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