therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
