I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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