my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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