Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wear drunk well.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
