I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
