its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Oh god it's open bar.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
