i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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