ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
