watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
