It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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