at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
