So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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