those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Randomize
