I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
