shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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