I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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