i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
