Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
