the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
