A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
