i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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