Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
