Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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