wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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