it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
