I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You're my little dorito
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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