So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
