3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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