How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We left an ass print on the piano.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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