i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Randomize
