Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
