So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
