Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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