i need an iv and a liver transplant
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
