eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
