Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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