So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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