shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
