I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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