Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
