A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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