Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
