suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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