So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
