I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
