We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
