No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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