True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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