Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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