No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
