i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
