My liver just broke up with me...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
