She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
