Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
