...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
