I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
