we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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