Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When are your genitals available?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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