we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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